Yesterday, I went into a dressing room with size 12 jeans and pants. I put them on and fastened them without having to stop breathing. I am not saying I will fit into every size 12, but I bought 3 pairs of size 12s that actually fit. They were mostly dress pants, which will be perfect for next semester.

Pants sizes, in case you were wondering, vary widely. There are some pants that I cannot even get my leg into although they claim to be size 14. There are pants that are size 12 that are too big (but not many). The size thing — it fluctuates.

Still, I am mostly a 12/14 in  pants and a large (with some mediums) in tops. I am still buying mostly large because I like the extra length.

I am not ready to show off my chubby white belly.

I have a distinct chin line. I have clearly visible neck veins and a very sharp collar bone. I can feel my ribs and hip bones just underneath my skin without any problems.

My thighs are smaller than I remember them being in decades.

The scales are consistently saying my weight begins with a 1 (this morning is was 198). Yet, I am still about 36 pounds from a normal BMI.

Where am I going to lose 36 pounds?

I am hoping it all decides to go from my belly area. This is my weak spot. It is soft. It is bigger than it should be.

Keep in mind that my belly is MUCH smaller than it was, so although I am complaining about its size, I am complaining with perspective. For instance, it wasn’t that long ago that my belly stuck out a bit further than my breasts. It is no longer true. My breasts now stick out much further than my belly, and I am VERY happy about that.

Still, I want a belly that I don’t have to worry about turning into a muffin top if I wear the wrong pants.

But part of me also thinks that a muffin top isn’t that much to complain about in the big scheme of things.

Plus, I have marked off a number of items on my “weight-loss bucket list.”

• Specifically, I can wrap a towel around me without gaps, and it doesn’t have to be the extra large towel. I probably can’t do it with the tiny towels, but I can do it.
• I can wear knee high boots, and they will actually zip up past my calf.
• My Wii Fit Board said, “That’s overweight,” after years of telling me, “That’s obese.” I was pleased.
• I weigh less than 200 pounds, and I am continuing to lose.

I am very happy about all of this.

I am surprised to realize I will be “normal” weight at 162 pounds. My surgeon recommends I shoot for a goal between 135 and 150 pounds. I weighed 145 in high school, so I made my goal 140.

But I will be a “normal” weight at 162. After that, another 22 pounds will mean what?

My doctor recommended I lose 110 pounds (255-110=145). I was thinking 115 pounds.

I have currently lost 57 pounds. That is 52 percent of my excess weight using the doctor’s numbers and 50 percent using my numbers. Either way, I am halfway there!

And 36 pounds away from normal. (I knew I’d get there eventually!)