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Digital Parenting

01
Dec 2009

FacebookLast night, my daughter sat within reaching distance of me. She was on a laptop, and I was on my laptop. After a bit, she tells me, “Check my Facebook status.”

I open a new browser window, log onto Facebook, and find my daughter’s status update.

She wanted more money.

Monday morning started with the wonderful task of writing $230 in checks to send to school with my two oldest children. They each required $100 for the pay to play fee as well as an additional $15 for team photos.

Monday night, my oldest was using her Facebook status to ask for me for even more money.

I didn’t mind. At least she didn’t wait until Tuesday morning during the morning rush when my wallet is usually depleted.

This way, I was able to redirect her request to her father. He forked over $18 this morning, but I still had to pay another $5 — she required dinner since her game would be away.

I never realized back in the day that children get so much more expensive when they get older.

And now, I can say I really am an ATM — I’m digital and everything.

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Shopping Savvy

27
Nov 2009

I hate to shop, and I rarely shop in advance. I do not plan ahead. For most of the time my husband and I have been together, we have waited until the weekend before Christmas to go shopping. We would do everything in one sweep, filling shopping cars and spending hundreds of dollars all at once.

This once (almost) bit us in the butt. It was something like Friday evening, Dec. 23, and we had just finished all of our shopping. We checked out, and my husband handed over our debit card. Both of us had been paid that day, and the money had been direct deposited right into our accounts.

The card was declined.

There was a serious moment of panic. I wondered if I’d be able to convince my children that Christmas was really a day or two later than it really was (they were little — I might have been able to pull it off).

The cashier realized what the problem was, however, so we were able to pay for everything. Our debit card had a $500 daily limit, and we were trying to exceed it. The cashier rerung the card as a credit card, and it was approved. Whew. Christmas was saved.

Another time, I was very very pregnant. It must have been before Justin was born. I finally had time to shop without the three little girls with me. My goal was to pick everything out, stash it in layaway, and pick it up within two weeks — just in time for Christmas. If my gifts were in layaway, they would be free from snooping children.

Very pregnant, I went to the layaway counter only to learn they quit accepting layaway sometime in October or November. This, to me, was insane. The store was trying to prevent people from stocking up on items that would be marked down after Christmas, but I didn’t want the after-holiday price. I had just spent HOURS of my life and had done huge amounts of shuffling and juggling to get those hours free of children, and it was all going to be a waste! I cried. The manager took pity on me, and he let me put my stuff in layaway. I just had to agree (and they wrote it on the slip) that I had to pick it up before Christmas. I didn’t have a problem agreeing to that condition since I needed everything for Christmas.

This year, however, has been different.

It started in mid November when I purchased my very first Christmas present. I couldn’t believe that I had done that. It seemed so early!

Then yesterday, Thanksgiving Day, I woke up early and drove to Cadillac to take advantage of some Thanksgiving day sales. I didn’t rush, and I wasn’t worried about not getting anything. I did the bulk of my shopping, and I sat down to Thanksgiving dinner thankful that the majority of my Christmas shopping was done.

There was just one thing that Amanda wanted to buy, and it was a steal. To buy it, I would have to get up early today (Black Friday) and drive to Cadillac again. The store in question wasn’t opening until 8 a.m., so it was much later than most of the other sales. I set my alarm for 6 a.m. and took my time. I let my car warm up. I made coffee. I scraped the ice off my windows and marveled at the sheet of ice on the cement in front of our garage.

Amanda planned to spend her own money. It was an Acer Aspire One, and ABC Warehouse had it on sale for $129. It was also on sale at Menard’s for $119, but it was more than an hour’s drive to the nearest Menard’s. The netbook computer was normally $300. There were a couple of other items I hoped to buy at ABC Warehouse, but the computer was my main goal.

I tried to be strategic. Wal-mart is right next to ABCWarehouse, and Wal-mart promised to match competitor’s Black Friday deals. I went there first to see if there were any Acer’s in stock, but I didn’t have high hopes because Walmart.com said they were available only online.

Shortly before 7:30 a.m., I crossed the parking lot to ABC Warehouse. The store wouldn’t open until 8 a.m., but there was already a line up at the door. I couldn’t believe how far back I was in the line, and I figured I would not be getting one of those computers.

I have never before participated in Black Friday sales, and I never would have imagined I would be standing outside a store waiting for it to open. As I waited, a guy handed out cards for some of the most coveted items, but I didn’t hear him offer the computer.

People kept arriving, and the line was soon blocking the store next door. An employee came out from that store and requested the line snake around. The line continued to grow, and I realized that I was actually at the front part of the line, and I was grateful.

When 8 a.m. arrived, the doors opened, and everyone made their way in pretty orderly, but I could tell those at the end of the line were planning to crash the line. They were making hesitant movements, and I realized why people get so upset. Inside, the first employee I talked to confirmed my worst fears. There were no more computers available. Of the three items I hoped to buy, I was able to nab one.

Within minutes, the line for the checkout was snaking all the way back to the rear of the store. Over by where the computers were, I heard a few employees reprimanded wayward customers. On the other side of the store, customers were much more friendly. I had just resigned myself to wait in the very long line when I learned there was a cash register in the back. I was the second person in line, but the line soon grew. I handed the cashier the correct cash, and I was soon on my way out the door. On my way, I tipped off one of the people in the back of the VERY LONG SLOW line about the second check out in the back. The couple threw me a grateful smile, and I headed back on my way.

Overall, I was pretty impressed with the deals I managed to snag. I would not have been able to buy what I did without the Black Friday and Thanksgiving sales. Most of the items I bought were at least 50 percent off the regular price if not more.

I enjoyed talking to people in the line as we waited to go in. One guy near me was an experienced Black Friday shopper. He apparently did it every year. A woman by me was new at it like I was, and we shared our amazement about it all. Neither one of us were too worried about what we would buy. If we didn’t get the item we were after, it would be OK.

And it was. I was impressed with the prices, and for the most part, I liked how organized the stores were in letting customers know where to find items and when items weren’t available.

One thing I didn’t like — Meijer’s advertised coupons when you purchased certain items, and you did get the coupon, but the coupon isn’t effective until Nov. 29. This wasn’t mentioned in the flyer, and it seems sort of sneaky and underhanded. I’m not too concerned since I shop at Meijer frequently, and I will definitely be using my coupon, but it should have been explained in the flyer rather than after I had paid and was being handed my purchase and coupon.

I’m not sure I will shop Black Friday sales again, but I enjoyed getting a deal. Everything is wrapped and sitting in my living room waiting for our tree. My shopping still isn’t done, but there isn’t much more that I need to buy.

And I think this is a good thing. Last year, I went holiday shopping with a friend (another first). I had a huge list, but I found that I wanted to enjoy the day with my friend more than I wanted to shop. Now, with the bulk of my shopping done, I will be able to finish my shopping and enjoy the day with my friend when we go shopping next weekend. And with shopping out of the way, I hope to enjoy the Christmas season more and worry less.

As for my shopping list:
Steve is pretty much done.
Autumn needs three small gifts.
Amanda needs two small gifts.
Justin needs one gift.
Maxine needs two small gifts.
And I need to buy for my mom and in-laws and my niece, Heather.

Everything else? Done.

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Crushing Her Dreams

17
Nov 2009

My oldest daughter successfully made it through level one of driver’s training. She will soon be licensed to drive while her parents sit next to her.

This in itself is a huge accomplishment. She should be excited and proud about the upcoming training. Her dad is good at this stuff. Her mother will be clenching her teeth, biting her tongue and adjusting the tension in the seatbelt to insure maximum safety.

The girl, however, is delusional. She is not thinking about the next three months and at least 50 hours of driving time being logged as lessons are learned.

No, she is thinking about her 16th birthday in May, her junior year of high school, which almost a full year away, when she can drive to school.

She sees herself driving around town, picking up friends, graciously taking her siblings places, and putting herself behind the wheel almost every chance she can get.

This is where her head is when she gets into the car next to me carrying the signed certificate that says she successfully completed level one.

“Can I drive?” she asks.

“No,” I answer.

“Why not?”

“Because you don’t have your license yet. You won’t until we go to the Secretary of State’s office.

“Please? Can I drive?”

“No.”

“Can we stop and see how much it is?” She is referring to a yellow Corvette sitting in a parking lot with a for sale sign on it. She has mentioned this Corvette repeatedly, and I can tell in her mind it is already “her car.”

“No. We aren’t buying you a Corvette.”

“Let’s just see how much it costs.”

“No.”

“I need a car.”

“You do NOT need a car. We aren’t buying you a car.”

“Daddy said I might get a car.”

“And you might. It will not be a Corvette.”

“I need a cell phone.” (I’m thinking that is a 180, but in her mind the two are connected: driving and cell phones.)

“You can’t get one.”

“Amanda doesn’t need one.”

“Amanda is responsible. You weren’t. No phone.”

“I’ve been good.”

“For two months. You were irresponsible for two years.”

“So I have to wait two years?”

“No, but you do have to wait longer than two months. Maybe next September when our phone contract is up. We can add a line.”

“September? I need a phone when I get a car.”

“You can get a prepay phone, and you aren’t getting a car.”

“A prepay phone is worse than not having a phone.”

“OK, no phone.”

“Well, I’ll be driving dad’s truck.”

“No, you won’t.”

“Yes, I will.”

“What makes you think you will drive your dad’s truck?”

Her dad’s truck sits in our driveway most days. My husband has a company vehicle that he drives to work, and I drive my minivan most of the time. I use the truck as a back up (read when the minivan’s gas tank is empty and so is my wallet).

“I’ll drive it to school and stuff when I have practice.”

“You are not driving your dad’s truck.”

“I don’t want to talk to you anymore.”

“Why would we let you drive your dad’s truck? It is the nicest vehicle we have. Why would you drive it? We are still paying for it.”

“Well, I’ll get my own car then.”

“You don’t have a job or money.”

“Dad will buy me one.”

“With what? If we get a new vehicle, it is going to be mine not yours.” (My minivan has about 250,000 miles, and I will need to replace it soon. Plus, I hope the replacement will NOT be a minivan. I hate minivans, but when you are hauling around 4 kids and their stuff, minivans are a necessary evil.)

“I’ll buy a fixer-upper for $200, and Dad will help me fix it.”

“And who is going to pay for the parts to fix it?”

“I don’t want to talk to you anymore.”

“What about insurance and gas money?”

“Vaughn gets $2 from everyone that he drives around.”

“Gas is expensive. We live 20 miles from everything.”

“I don’t want to talk to you anymore.”

“Do you think your dad has a pot of gold sitting around somewhere?”

“I don’t want to talk to you.”

“You will probably drive the minivan.”

“I don’t want to drive the minivan.”

“Then you won’t drive.”

“I’m not talking to you anymore. I’m going to talk to Dad.”

Later, I mention my daughter’s thoughts about her driving his truck. His response, “What makes her think she is going to drive my truck?”

Of course, he has similar thoughts about me driving his truck….

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All About the Money

15
May 2009

My children have reached the age where it is all about the money. They want money. They need money. They have discovered the power of money.

It begins with my 10-year-old. For his birthday in January, he received a Nintendo DS. It was all he wanted for months and months. It was the perfect gift. But just months after receiving his gift, Nintendo in all of its superior wisdom released an updated version and now the young boy covets the Nintendo DSi. He is all about saving money to buy a new Nintendo DSi. He has discussed getting a job and earning enough money that along with the trade-in value of his current game, he would have enough to buy it.

Earlier this month, the two youngest received forms to sell Krispy Kreme doughnuts to friends and family. Both children came home with dreams of selling enough doughnuts to imagine spending the $50 that would go to the top seller. The girl took her form everywhere, and there were times I even nixed her bringing the form. She ended up selling a respectable amount of doughnuts, but she isn’t going to be the top winner.

The boy sold doughnuts the very first day to his grandma, his mother and the next door neighbor. And then his form sat forgotten for weeks.

The girl pedaled her bike down the road to every neighbor she knew. The boy played videogames.

In the last few days, the boy panicked. He wanted to win the $50. He needs it to buy his new DSi. But there isn’t anyone to sell too. The girl sold doughnuts to the neighbors. He never went beyond those initial sells the very first day, and today, the day the forms are due, he is sad about the missed possibility $50 could bring him.

For the older children, the goal is a bit more expensive. Amanda, at 13, is dreaming about having a real (not prepaid) cell phone. She wants to earn enough money to pay the $10 a month it would cost to add another phone to her parents’ contract. She applied for and received a job, and she starts working tomorrow. She’ll be working with a friend just down the road from us, and she is pretty pleased.

The oldest is also dreaming big. She initially wanted to raise enough money to pay for driver’s training, which was about $300. Secretly, she was hoping her parents would cough up the dough. And then she learned about the $165 in cell phone charges she racked up while in Florida during a 7-hour middle-of-the-night phone call on her little cousin’s cell phone. Her goal suddenly increased to $165 plus the $300.

Luckily, the phone company managed to waive the $165 in unexpected charges, so her goal was back down to $300. She has started filling out a couple of job applications, but she hasn’t turned them in anywhere yet. There was a job that I thought would have been perfect for her. The camp she attended as a camper for three years was looking for wranglers. This was a job taking care of and working with horses. The job required people who had previously attended the camp as a camper. She started filling out the forms, but she never finished. I quit reminding her.

But in the mail this week, the oldest found a new want/need to aim for, and she has set her sights high this time. Both the oldest and the second oldest have been nominated to be a part of the Michigan Ambassadors of Music in 2010. As part of a concert band, the pair have been invited to travel to Europe in the summer of 2010. The oldest really wants to go even more than she wants to take driver’s training.

We do not know yet how much the trip will cost. The second-oldest, by the way, has no desire to go. She claims she is afraid of flying.

Last night the oldest and I discussed possible numbers. The actual informational meeting is next Tuesday, but the oldest knows other people who have gone, and she believes the trip will cost around $5,000.

I am a realist. I know that I have no desire to pay $5,000 to send the oldest to Europe. With $5,000, the entire family could have a very good vacation. But the oldest child seems determined, and so she started crunching numbers. Specifically, she looked into how much she would have to work to pay for something like this trip. She realized it would take her more than 25 months to save enough money to do it if she worked 8 hours a week. This is based on the goal of setting aside $200 a month.

This trip is offered to select band members every two years. If she didn’t go in 2010, she could go in 2012, but she is already claiming that she does not want to go the summer after her senior year.

I am in “wait and see” mode. We’ll go to the informational meeting and listen to what they have to say about how much she will need and when. And then it will be up to her to raise the money. It’ll be good for her to learn that some things take more than her opening her mouth and saying, “Mom….”

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Metal Mouth

22
Jan 2004

My oldest daughter now has braces, but no retainer yet. She had them installed yesterday morning. Last night her mouth was sore and she was trying to figure out how to floss her teeth when they are covered in metal.

I’m afraid I was of little help. I don’t know how to floss with braces. She does have one of those spin toothbrushes and this funky looking pick thingy that should help her in her flossing. Looks clean so far.

By bedtime, she hated braces and it wasn’t fair that she had to have them. Day one. And she has to wear them for the next 12 to 18 months.

Her sister, however, is now showing me her teeth saying one is crooked and this is why she has to have braces. I don’t think so, Kid.

I took a picture of Stupid Dog and Metal Mouth. But it’s at home and I’m not. I’ll post it tomorrow, I promise. And don’t tell Autumn I called her "Metal Mouth." ;)

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