Thirty-Nine Lessons I May Have Learned

Today, August 19, 2010, marks my 39th birthday. It is one of those birthdays that aren’t quite real in that when you mention it is your 39th birthday (or your 29th), people tend to wink and nod and think you are really turning 40 (or 30). But I’m not. I’m 39 today.

What does it mean to turn 39? After 39 years on the planet, what have I learned about myself, about parenting, about writing, about love, about marriage, about life? I’m not sure, but I want to make an effort to figure it out at least 39 times. At this point, I’m not sure if I can come up with 39 things or if I’ll be able to come up with 139, but the plan is 39 things. I’m going to go ahead and get started now:

1. You are never too old to learn something new. I went back to get a master’s degree in 2006, and I plan to eventually get a PhD. And even without the pursuit of formal degrees, I love to learn.
2. Although I absolutely love to engage in a DIY project, I am not a carpenter, and it shows. It might be that the project is unfinished for months (years), but the imperfections just add to the character of our home, right? I still love doing DIY projects.
3. I have never regretted taking the time to learn HTML code or anything about how computers work.
4. Parents need to know as much as if not more than their children know about technology.
5. Marrying the right man is an important first step in having a good marriage, but the work doesn’t stop there.
6. Laugh. Be goofy. Don’t skip doing something because you are afraid of looking silly or stupid.
7. Don’t skip doing something because you are afraid of failing (OK, I admit it, I am STILL learning this lesson.).
8. No matter how hard you work to protect your children and your pets, both can still get hurt anyway.
9. Even if you aren’t a sentimental parent, you will suddenly find tears in your eyes when you realize your youngest daughter finally grew so much this summer that she is almost the same height as your oldest daughter. And no, you aren’t sure why you didn’t realize that when she brought you the garbage bag full of pants that were now too short.
10. Children are rough on a home and furniture. Eventually, your son’s bedroom will need major drywall repair, but if you let him use his “cover it with posters” strategy long enough, you can possibly wait until he is old enough to fix it himself.
11. Buy lots of posters.
12. Amazing husbands are rare. Be thankful you have a rare one and make sure he knows you feel that way.
13. You can do little things for your husband without being in danger of becoming your mother.
14. Yes, teenagers do sometimes talk to their parents in “a tone” that makes the parents want to strangle the offending teens, but your teen probably can’t hear that she is using “a tone” anymore than you could when you were a teen.
15. Counting works. Start counting when your children are young and ALWAYS follow through. You’ll be glad you did when your child is a teen and still responds to hearing the number “four” and stops before you have to say “five.”
16. Yes, your dad only let you talk on the phone for 10 minutes under his supervision. You hated it. Times have changed. Your child can talk outside of your hearing for longer than 10 minutes. Times haven’t changed enough yet though to make it OK for your child to be making phone calls in the middle of the night.
17. Cell phones are optional for children even teens. Parents do not have to provide them. When parents do, it is perfectly OK to go through the child’s texts and set restrictions about when and how the phone is used.
18. You are not limited by where you live. If you want to do something, find a way.
19. Work hard.
20. Stop working and spend time with your family.
21. You CAN go at least 24 hours without technology especially if you spend those hours with your husband and/or family.
22. Dance.
23. Yelling doesn’t solve anything. It can even make things worse. You feel bad and so does the person you are yelling at. Knowing all of this doesn’t make you stop yelling. But you can keep working on yelling less.
24. Words are useful, and there are no “bad” words, but there are times and places and audiences where words should be carefully chosen and some words should be avoided.
25. Writing can help you discover what you are thinking.
26. Punctuation and spelling are not the most important things you need to know in order to be a good writer. Most people do not realize this.
27. At one time in your life, one person may have said something about you or your skills or your lack of skills. Years have passed, and you still remember. Don’t let it limit or box you. Even if it was true then, it doesn’t make it true now. And the person who made the comment probably forgot about it two second later, so why continue to give the statement power?
28. Everyone doesn’t have to like you. You can be OK with that.
29. You must always have good reading material available. You never know when a snow storm might hit.
30. Spending money on yourself can be a good thing. Being a mom doesn’t mean you have to be a frump.
31. Flirt with your husband.
32. Sometimes the cheapest deal isn’t really a deal. Sometimes you’d be better off paying a bit more for good quality.
33. Take photos and videos, but remember to take time to put down the camera or video player and live in the moment too.
34. It is easier to find things and keep them in good shape in a clean house, but you will never keep things as clean as your mother-in-law. That’s OK.
35. Embarrass your children once in a while. They’ll be sure to return the favor whether you do or not.
36. Everyone should learn how to read a map.
37. Things don’t go away just because you try to ignore them.
38. Your children are wonderful and frustrating and smart. They are not you or your husband. You like them anyway and love them always.
39. About 20 years ago, all you wanted was to wake up each day next to the love of your life. Your living the dream, and it is even better than you thought it would be even when he does steal your pillow. I love you, Steve.