My oldest child made the badly-timed comment that I have not written in my blog about her new boyfriend yet. Was that a request? As any good mother would do, I shall fulfill it!

I have three daughters, and my daughters are good looking girls, which means there are boys. Currently, all three girls are “in a relationship.”

And though I have never had favorites among my children, I feel no compulsion to not develop favorites among the boyfriends. Therefore, I must confess that I like the youngest daughter’s boyfriend best. This boy thinks I don’t like him, and I admit I was not admired of him when I first met him, which was when we were camping in July. Primarily because he was hanging around outside my daughter’s tent after all of us went to bed, but her older sister ran him off with a few choice warnings of what I might do if I caught him.

Why do I like this boy the best? He lives in another state, and even better, the state he lives in has many states between that state and the state we live in. I think this is the very best kind of boyfriend for my children to have. I highly endorse it. Long may it last from afar.

And the other two boys? They are on shaky ground. Both called last night after 9 p.m., which I have long established as something that IS. NOT. DONE. One boy’s call was slightly worse since he made the mistake of calling the house phone after 9 p.m. The other boy called after 9 as well, but he made it a restricted call to the daughter’s cell phone, and it was almost midnight.

The daughter was sitting right next to me, and we were using my laptop to watch an episode of Pretty Little Liars that we had missed. After a little bit, she gave me the phone and told me to talk to whoever was calling her. I knew it was the boyfriend right away despite the really bad accent that he said he got from “accent school,” and which I suggested he request a refund of his tuition.

While this boyfriend talked in a fake accent, I heard other boys in the background, and there was pausing for the boy to laugh with the guys. He did not know he was talking to the daughter’s mother, and I didn’t enlighten him. After about 15 minutes or so, he asked if I was Maxine, and I said no. He asked if I was Amanda, and I said no. He asked if I was Autumn, and I said no, and then I said something along the lines of that leaves just one female in this house that he could be talking to, and he got it, and he was so shocked I think he dropped the phone. One of the boys with him quickly picked it up and in very mangled fake accent said something that I think wasn’t quite appropriate to say to a mother. When said boyfriend recovered, he must have grabbed the phone because the phone call suddenly ended, and my daughter got a text asking if I was mad. I wasn’t. It was funny.

(Digression: When this boy and my daughter started dating, he was texting her and asking if her parents knew they were dating. She wrote back “yes,” and he texted, “What do they think?” By then, I had control of the daughter’s phone, and texted back, “She could do better.” Priceless. Daughter let him know right away who sent that text. And now a digression in a digression: Yes, I take my children’s cell phones at random moments and read their texts. My children know this is a possibility. It is part of the agreement we have that allows them to have the phones in the first place. If I check their phone and texts have been deleted OR my child refuses to surrender the phone, the child loses the right to have a phone.End Digression in a Digression. End Digression.)

Although that boyfriend loses points because he claims to love my daughter with every text he sends (it is his auto signature), although love might be spelled “luv.” It is way too soon for any of that nonsense! I think he is very enamored of her, and he may have put her up on a very high pedestal, which does not impress her very much (it is hard to type that line without thinking of Shania Twain). If I were to give him advice, I would say he needs to tone it down. The child that is his girlfriend is not the type of girl that is flattered by constant attention and compliments. She gets annoyed.

And then there is that other guy. He is the oldest child’s boyfriend. He drives. He has crazy (think Fatal Attraction level crazy) ex-girlfriends. He has drama. All of which my oldest child just feeds off of (she is not her sister). But so far he has been nice and treated her well. He is polite (although he does not check the time before calling our house at night). At this stage, it may even be that he is proof that the oldest child’s taste in boys has improved slightly, but I reserve the right to change my mind because the guy either is attracted to Fatal Attraction level crazy or he creates it. And the oldest child has proven that she 1) likes the bad boy and 2) likes any boy that drives her mother nuts.

So to summarize, I like my youngest daughter’s boyfriend. I approve of him right until the moment that he crosses the border of Michigan. The other two boys? They amuse me, which is better than annoying me. Right up until the moment they call after 9 p.m. or otherwise conspire to make my children lie or tell me half-truths.

And now the oldest child can be sorry that she got what she asked for….