Delusional and Desperate

Or is it desperate and delusional? You tell me….

I am not the type of person that worries too much about the way I look. I don’t fuss. I don’t spend.

But that was before.

Before what, you ask? It was before I realized that I am getting old!

Why, it was just a few months ago that I fell in love with the new wrinkles around my husband’s eyes. They were cute, and I didn’t mention it to him, but they appealed to me in ways I could never fathom 20 years ago. I had been at his side while those wrinkles formed, and I loved that idea.

Plus, it was easy since my own eyes were still wrinkle-free.

OH, how SILENTLY SMUG I was about my own wrinkle-free eyes. The very same eyes that had recently started drawing unsolicited comments from complete strangers about the length and thickness of my eyelashes. And I did it all without Latrisse. OK, so I did it with a drug, but the longer eyelashes were just a side effect for my pre-glaucoma treatment. It wasn’t just to get longer lashes, so it is totally OK.

Oh the difference a few months makes!

My eyes are no longer wrinkle-free. I have wrinkles, but I think I could live with the wrinkles.

My problem? I have dark circles under my eyes. And there are days where I have these horrible bags under my eyes. I know, I thought I should just get more sleep, right? Wrong! I have been sleeping. Last night, I went to bed at 9:30 p.m. and slept until 5:30 a.m., and I did NOT want to get up, but I did because I’d slept. And still there are circles and bags under my eyes.

And I can’t get rid of them. I have bought concealer, and I am using it. I am “doing” my eyes in the morning in an effort to improve their looks. I even considered trying Preparation H, but do you know how badly that stuff smells? Eww. I did not want it on my face. I just kept imagining kissing someone and having them get a whiff of that stuff. Ick.

In searching for a cure, I found one dermatologist suggests I eat bananas and smile a lot. I can do that.

What really dismays me is that if I look in the mirror, my eyes look OK, but if someone takes a picture of me, I suddenly have these horrible brown circles under my eyes. I look tired. My eyes even FEEL tired.

And I am 38 suddenly worried about what the next few years will bring. I think my make-up free days are gone.

What’s more, I realize now that 1) I am vain, and 2) an eye-lift doesn’t sound nearly as insane as it did when I was in my 20s.