I like to think of myself as an open-minded person. I like to think of words, specifically words put together in a way and then used against me, as being hurtful only IF I let the words be hurtful (think name-calling). Through the years, I have been called MANY names. And most of them had been fun nicknames that I liked.
I’ve told lots of people that you can call me anything, and I will answer to it (like the wrong name), but I am least likely to answer to Mrs. Sherwood because I always think they are addressing my mother-in-law and not me. (This despite being married for 14 years this September.)
But this past week, while on vacation, I was reminded that there are names that I do NOT like to be called.
Way back when hubby and I were dating, I remember we had a conversation about nicknames. I specifically told Steve that he was not allowed to call me anything to do with food. I would not be addressed as cupcake or honeybun or sugar pie or any other possible food combinations. I was adamant.
Steve and I will celebrate 20 years together next March, and I am no longer sure why my younger-self was so adamant about the no-food nicknames rule. I was handing out very few rules back then, and this one was definitely in the top five, and I’m not even sure there were five rules (or three rules for that matter).
Looking back now, I wonder if it had something to do with the way I look at food. It is something you get rid of either by eating it, avoiding it or dieting to get rid of the results. I didn’t want to be something Steve would enjoy for a short time and discard rather unceremoniously (trust me, you don’t want to think TOO hard about this discard part of what happens to food).
Although I am uncertain now why it bothered me so much then, this particular rule resulted in my hubby developing the best nickname ever for me: Lydia. More often I even get to be “his girlfriend Lydia.” Lydia is NOT food.
But 20 years have passed, and once in a while, usually to tease me, my husband might call me cupcake, and I laugh. It isn’t a real nickname. It is a tease. So now I am really good with whatever you call me. Even food names.
Or so I thought.
During vacation last week, I was in my camper taking a “reading nap.” This is when I go off to a quiet spot to read a book, and then I fall asleep while reading it. I used to do this frequently on the in-laws’ couch on hot summer days. Anyway, at one point during my reading nap, I heard by father-in-law and my husband talking. They weren’t standing near my camper. I was in the next campsite (and at this campground, the sites are some of the largest I’ve seen). One phrase stood out:
FIL: Where’s your old lady?
I think this was when I was closer to the nap than the reading part of my relaxation, but I still heard it.
Hours later, when the hubby and the FIL least expected it, I inquired about who might be the “old lady” being referred to earlier. I asked Steve first. He immediately began laughing. When it comes to Steve, I have a magic (possibly superhero) power. He says things he thinks I won’t hear, and I hear them. I do not react. I just go on as if I didn’t hear it, and in my response I mention something that makes it clear that I DID indeed hear him (and the unstated message is, “busted! AND you will pay! Only it is done in a much more dignified manner externally while internally I’m doing an obnoxious dance in the end zone).
Hubby shirked the blame and quite happily placed it all on his dad. “Go ask him,” he told me.
And so I did. And the FIL responded the same way the hubby did: lots of laughter. And then a question, “How did you hear that?”
Off and on, for the rest of the vacation, the FIL and I referred to each other as old.
And I learned something about myself. You can call me honeybun or sweetie pie or Lydia or even Al. I just never want to hear my hubby say “me and the old lady” or really anyone referring to me as “old lady.” And I don’t think my problem is age-related. I think I really object to this because it is usually meant as possessive, but in a way that you really don’t value the possession and you would love to find a way to get rid of the possession, but no one will take it off your hands — as in that woman that I have been caring for and putting up with for years and don’t you just feel sorry for me that I have to put up with HER?
Of course, that’s just my interpretation. It is why this particular name bothers me when so many others don’t.
I wonder what it means that I just realized some of my other favorite nicknames were also names that weren’t my own: George and Lynn. My brother Chuckie calls me Lynn, and it was also the name a good friend (Nikki) used to call me. My dad would call me George as part of a game. “George, why are you playing with Linda’s toys?”
I also realized today that my kids call me “momma,” and I had to stop for a second and wonder where they got that from. I’ve never called myself momma. Mom, yes. When they were little, “mommy.” But that’s it. But when my children are feeling very loving, I become Momma. And it is Momma and not Mama. And I like it. Especially since it isn’t Old Lady.
Thanks for playing.
Momma,
I’m the only one who calls you that, and you have told me not to call you it before, but I don’t really care. Hehe. Camp is lots of fun, and while you’re working, I’m here doing a poetry and prose slam, and my past creative writing teacher will be there, because her mom/my current writing teacher is doing a fiction reading beforehand, so I’m really excited. I’ll keep you up on how it goes, because according to the camp director, there is “look-alike celebrity judges.” And apparently there is prizes involved.
I read the story I’m doing aloud in class today, and since the story is about drowning, they said that it’s really descriptive, and they wanted to know if I’ve ever drowned before. So I guess it’s just that good. I’m excited.
Gonna go drink coffee,
Just kidding, but not really.
Good luck tonight! I know it is happening at 8:30 p.m. I will be thinking of you. Love ya.
Oh man, this blog cracked me up. When I entered college straight out of highschool I used to get so uptight when people would call me “Debbie”. I started using “Deb” or “Deborah” because they sounded so much more mature.
I felt like finally I was going to be a grown up and having blonde hair and a name like “Debbie” wasn’t going to garner me much respect. I would have an ALL OUT FIT if anyone called me that.
Jay’s family was (and still is) paranoid when they hear someone call me Debbie (which everyone from my childhood does still). I have to remind them all the time that I’m over that. LOL
I could care less now that I have other things in life to have a fit about like gravity and body parts. I mean, good grief, what kind of weird priorities did we have as “kids” anyhow!! LOL
Haha, ummmm….I kinda tied with someone for last place. Hehe, didn’t do my best work first, so I guess I should’ve. But, you’ll be hearing my best work on Sunday at 9:30 am, so BE THERE!!! I’ve had six cups of coffee today, so I’m a bit hyper, and probably won’t sleep.
Love you,
Autumn
I hear ya dear,, I will never be an old lady!! would that be Debra(jones) responding to your blog???? Tell her hi for me:)
Gosh you got me thinking what my nick name is,, I guess even my husband calls me mamma,, weird I know. My grandfather use to call that to my grandma:) We are celebrating 15 year of marriage today,, got ya beat:)
Deanna
Deanna, you are absolutely right! It is Deb (Jones) Simon.
Deb, I remember when you switched, and I have a hard time remembering! And I swear I am still a kid (at least I feel like I am most of the time).
***putting on stern Mom hat in order to address wayward coffee-drinking child***
Autumn Lee Sherwood (Do you SEE that I invoked the middle name? You do know what that means don’t you?) Child (and yes you are a child), you need to SLOW down on the coffee. Seriously. I’m not saying you have to avoid it completely this week (but don’t expect to start swilling it at home), but you definitely need to avoid drinking six cups in a day. I’m sure the amount of sugar and cream you are pouring into that cup is influencing that “bit hyper” thing you’ve got going on…
***taking off stern Mom hat***
Autumn, I’m looking forward to seeing your improved reading on Sunday. It was a poetry slam too, right? That IS hard. You haven’t done anything like this before have you? It isn’t easy to read your work to a crowd, but you will get better. PLUS you’ve started long before I ever have. Just have fun, and if that works, next time you get up to read, make it a performance. And I do mean a performance. Pretend you are someone else — it’s an acting performance. It helps. Who is your wildest friend that would totally nail this type of thing? Act like HER. What would Katie do? Like you said before, no one there is from your day to day life, which means you have no limits or expectations. You can be who you want to be in that spotlight.
Deanna, I became so carried away thinking about the six cups of coffee thing that I forgot to wish you and your hubby a happy anniversary. I hope you enjoyed your special day!
Autumn, technically, I told you not to call me “mama.” For some reason, Momma is different. I don’t know why. Who knows how my brain works? Certainly not I. Put down the coffee.
Hi Deanna!!
Happy Anniversary! You going to the 20 year next year???
You guys are MORE then welcome to call me Debbie still. It makes me feel like I’m not almost 40. LOL I got over that whole “Debbie-thing” about 6 years ago.
Momma,
Make that eight cups of coffee in one day. I don’t plan on carrying this on at home, so that’s good. But I had planned to stay up all night, and I almost made it, but I crashed around five, and then couldn’t put my contacts in till ten, because I took them out at four.
“Mama” and “Momma” sound almost alike. But I still like calling you Momma, so whatever. My friends make fun of me for calling you Momma, and Daddy, Daddy. They keep asking me “You still call your Mom, Momma?” or the same thing with daddy.
I talked to Maxine last night on the phone after my slam, and she seemed like she missed me. Actually, I’m going to call you after class today, so that’ll be around 3:30, or maybe I’ll call in like five minutes, since my class starts at 1:30. But anyways, I called Rachel, and Maxine and Rachel both want to know if they can come hear my student reading, so if you could, PLEASE!!!
Oh by the way…I haven’t had any coffee today, and I DON’T plan on it either. Eh, WAY too much sugar.
Hehe.
Love ya!
that is funny. Ihavecalled my mom mommie most of my life but never mother and my dad, daddy all my life. MY mommie never liked us to call her mother. because she used to babysitted. kids that called their mother . mother this and mother that and she said when she had kids of her own they would never call her mother. love your mom. i love you and all my other kids.
lINDA how would you like to be called MAUDE instead of mom or mother. EDITH said that . her daughter calles her that sometimes. and her son calles her mommy or maude. they are in there fifthes. edith is here with me and we cant sleep. so we are on computer. BE HAPPY WITH what ever your kids call you because when they grow up they might not call you at all. love mom and edith.good luck peaches. haha
Was that a reminder that I don’t call you enough?