Archive for » December, 2004 «

Can you hear me now?

29
Dec 2004

Just a short little blog to let everyone know that yes, I am still in existance. That I wasn’t buried by the mountain of discarded wrapping paper on the morning of Dec. 25. That I didn’t drink a bit too much eggnog and get lost in the snow.

I’ve been working and with two holidays in a week’s time that translates to two early deadlines. I can’t for some reason blog at work anymore. My computer won’t let me log in to typepad.

So my holidays were wonderful with lots of family and gifts and goodies. We decided the kid-friendly name for the cake Shirley Kawa Jump mentions in her latest book should be "Better than Santa." Because my girls really wanted to know what BTS stood for and I’m not telling them it’s called Better than Sex cake.

At one point in the holiday, I had six adults and nine children sleeping under my roof and I managed to remain a gracious hostess 87.3 percent of the time. The other part I unfortunately morphed into Mother of the Year as I screamed at my insolent teen-age even though she’s really only 10 daughter.

And what family holiday isn’t complete without a little family squable? In my case, it was when my mother arrived at my home and her first words to me were, "Can I use your phone?"

Now she had just arrived after a long trip from Ohio and there were a lot of people in the mudroom as we all greeted each other. She did hug my children. During the crush, she wandered into my living room as the rest of us gathered in the kitchen. My theory is that she went off in search of my phone.

But let me tell you people, I was PO’d. And I let her know it. And as my brother listened to my tirade I could hear him mumble, "Merry Christmas."

Who did my mom want to call? Her boyfriend. And when the bells on my door jingled just seconds later (just as my tirade ended), her ears perked up and a glow came to her face only to be greeted by my husband entering the door. Which was not who she was expecting.

No. My mom was expecting her boyfriend. And we were all chopped liver. At least that’s what I felt like. I don’t think I’m ever going to let my mom use my phone again.

Days later when I talked to her about it again, my mom tried to tell me that she Thought she’d hugged me and said hello first. No. Didn’t happen. You cannot convince the chopped liver (that would be me) of that.

Oh and sure, some of it just might be residual childish issues that I have dealing with my mom having a boyfriend. But it’s not just that. My mom seems to think that her behavior is fine because I acted like that back in the day when I was dating Steve. I’m not buying it. I was a teen-ager at the time and rather selfish. My mom is NOT supposed to be selfish. OK, so maybe I’m still selfish. I do not like dealing with parental boyfriends.

And that doesn’t have anything to do with the feelings I’m still trying to deal with regarding my dad’s death. Which seems to have hit me harder this year than last. Maybe because the holidays happened so soon after his death last year. This year I cried when I was writing my shopping list. My shopping list! You know, the list of who you need to buy Christmas presents for. Because I had a Mom D., a Mom S., and a Dad S., but no Dad D. and I missed writing that Dad D. down. And for damn sure I wasn’t going to be writing down Boyfriend D. on my list, even though that would probably be the polite thing to do. But I barely know that guy. I mean, he’s not even on my Christmas card list.

Truth be told, I was probably a little resentful about the boyfriend coming to the holiday gathering anyway. But it seemed like all of my fears and worries were personified when my mom greeted me with "Can I use your phone?"

Chopped liver. Spoiled Thirty-Something Child. Yeah. That’s me. So what’s your point? And despite my little tirade (again) about my mother asking to use the phone, my holidays overall were 99 percent wonderful and only 1 percent chopped liver. So that’s pretty good and when I have more time I’ll share some about the 99 wonderful, including the children’s awesome program. Thanks for playing.

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Interviewing Santa

22
Dec 2004

Yesterday I interviewed Santa Claus. It was a phone interview because I was busy and the roads are bad and I didn’t want to drive to someplace south and east of West Branch (I think). It was going OK. He was a certified Santa and has been doing it since 1962. He even attends the Santa Claus School in Midland each year.

What? You didn’t know there was a Santa Claus School? You thought only Frankenmuth offered Christmas Cheer in Michigan? How wrong you were! Check it out: Santa Claus School

Anyway, back to the interview. It was a great interview. I was surprised by some of the answers. Did you know around age 9 and 10 is when children stop wanting to sit on Santa’s lap? That’s when they start questioning whether or not he’s really real. Which made me worry since my two oldest are 9 and 10. I asked about how it’s changed since he began in 1962.

And this was the best part of my interview. He said it was night and day between then and now. But the, and he let out this totally awesome, absolutely the soul of Santa Claus laugh, that just came across the telephone and forced me to smile and even laugh, has never changed he said.

Now up to that point, I was interviewing this guy and going with the flow. It was a cute holiday story. Yada. Yada. Yada. But when he laughed, I believed. I had never seen him before I talked to him on the phone. I contacted him after seeing a classified ad advertising a "certified" Santa and I got curious. But hearing that laugh, I was no longer talking to a 67-year-old guy in Prescott. I was talking to Santa.

He told me he has the shoulder-length snow white hair and a beard about 6-8 inches in length, all natural. He said even in "civilian" clothes he gets mobbed in airports by children.

I believe in Santa Claus. Do you?

And just for kicks and giggles I bring to you what could become a regular staple here at Blog Linda. That’s right. It’s our own household’s version of the "Don’t ask. Don’t tell" policy that became so popular during the Clinton era. Basically these are things I’ve seen happen in my house recently. Don’t ask me to explain. I don’t know.

My nine year old child down on her hands and knees crawling backwards around the living room furniture, down the hall, into a room, back out of the room, back down the hall, around the furniture. Backwards.

The requirement to erase the number just written on the countdown to Christmas by a sibling so you can rewrite it. Repeat. Repeat. Repeat until chaos reigns and Mom is forced to intervene to protect bodily parts and prevent the spillage of bodily fluids.

My children’s principal, the school secratary and myself standing in the school office, laughing with tears in our eyes as the principal relates a story involving my daughter talking about tampons, Stupid Dog, the school superintendent and a poor little Kindergarten boy demanding to know what tampons are and why is everyone laughing?

The oldest is speaking with a distinct western twang, which isn’t too shabby for someone born and raised in northern Michigan.

My husband on the couch "posing" for my camera by pulling his shirt up over his head. This picture went a long way to cheering me up when I pulled it up at work last night as I unloaded work related photos onto the work computer. ;)

How everyone manages to avoid actually taking care of the folded clothes I so carefully left in piles for them. It’s truly an art form to avoid a mountain of folded laundry. Especially when piled in front of the TV. Yet they can do it. Talented group of children live in my house. Talent.

OK, I had some other oddities but I can’t think of them and today is an early production day so I must go to work. I will try to engage brain sometime today and come up with better odd examples of Don’t ask. Don’t tell.

One more thing. Today is the BIG DAY. It’s the school play. And from my conversation with the principal yesterday, I am in for a special treat. My oldest daughter has a solo and it involves a twang. Let’s just say that my oldest daughter loves the spotlight. She was born with a microphone in her hand. She performs. She PLAYS to the crowd. She feeds off the crowd. People notice. The sound guy the other day asked her to demonstrate the proper use of a microphone. He declared she was a future senator. Oh yeah, my other three children will be in it too. I don’t mean to disregard that. I will share tales about all four of them. Trust me.

And thanks for playing.

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I remember now

21
Dec 2004

..why I make the hubby go Christmas shopping with me at the very last friggin’ minute. It’s so I won’t have to explain how much I spent when shopping for our family of 1,233 people. OK, we really don’t have that many, but STILL we have a lot of people on our shopping list PLUS four children. Did he think it’d be cheap? So much easier when he’s there making spending decisions right along with me instead of the Monday morning quarterbacking.

OK, I was thinking I’d do some more of the old "I remember" crutches for this blog, but I can’t think of any so let’s move on shall we. Go ahead, there’s nothing to see here. That’s right, keep moving. Don’t pay any attention to that woman with the greasy hair that is still in her bathrobe and should really be getting ready to leave her house SOON, but she can’t do that until she takes a shower, dresses, and oh yeah, balances her check book.

Have you seen Fox’s new show Nanny 911? I must admit I’ve only watched it once, but the episode I saw was hilarious! I really enjoyed watching other people’s out of control children and listening to the snarky comments. It was the episode where a 3 and a 4 year old still had a pacifier and a sippy cup. Ha! I must admit I had a case of my own Monday morning quarterbacking watching that show. It is so easy to see the faults in other people’s parenting.

My children, of course, are perfect. My 10-year-old would never yell at her siblings at the top of her lungs at 6 a.m. in the morning because where would she learn that behavior from, her mother? Of course not, because her mother isn’t awake enough at 6 a.m. to get any good yelling in. You have to wait until at least 6:10 a.m. when she yells at the 10-year-old to stop her bloody yelling! It’s wonderful to teach by example.

The countdown to Christmas is getting hot and heavy at my house. Our one little chalkboard countdown is no longer enough. We also have the dry-erase board hard at work counting down the days.

Did you know that there is a huge controversy on how to count down to Christmas? According to my figures, today is four days to Christmas. But some people say that today is three days to Christmas. The controversy is mired in the question of do you count today or don’t you? I say yes. After all today isn’t over is it? Let’s not rush time any faster than it is already marching on its own.

My cat Mittens is happily asleep on top of my printer. He looks so peaceful. Which is giving me this gigantic urge to use my printer. After all I have to print out some more Christmas letters. I really have a mean streak today.

OK, I’m scanning. Mittens is now sitting on the printer that is making weird noises with his tail curled around his feet wondering why in the world I decided to disturb his sleep.

I still have wrapping to do. But now it is just the presents for all of those people who aren’t in my immediate family. So the kids can see them. But I really need to wrap that dollhouse soon because I’m tired of my kids ringing the doorbell. They can’t walk past without pushing that button. Maxine insists it is because the little cutout has that "push me" writing just making her do it.

Oh, and I will now share my 10-year-old’s Christmas letter. Next year I might let her write the entire letter by herself.

TheSherwoods

Merry Christmas Yall!! I have know idea what to write now!Hey,I’ve moved up from Merry Christmas to Merry Christmas Y’all!! LOL! I’m listening to BFS(Bowling for Soup) right now. I’ve wrote a script called Twilight Gathering. You’ll see it at Donna’s (my grandma) house on Christmas Eve. I keep switching colors around, if you haven’t noticed. I have an awesome room thanks to Linda(my mom), Tammy,(my mom’s friend), and Tammy’s boyfriend Glen! Yes!! Liz Lemire is one of my friends and I’m in 5th grade! Can you gues who is writing this? I am 10 yrs. old. Okay more about my family! Amanda is 9yrs. old. She is still the Tomboy in the family. Maxine of the "MONSTER" is 7 yrs. old. Now she has the "cutest front teeth in her class" If you didn’t guess their mising! Justin is 5yrs.old. He’s taller than MAXINE!!Laugh-Out-Loud!!It’s true though! Mom is 33. She normally writes this! Dad is 33 also. He’s still selling his racecar, if you want it! They probably don’t want me telling their age, Oh well they’ll have to deal with it! Did you guess right? It’s me Autumn Lee Sherwood! I wrote more than last time!

Love,

Autumn Lee

For the record, yes I let her listen to Bowling for Soup, but I edited what she can listen to to three only mildly offensive choices: 1985, almost, and My next Ex girlfriend. Sure, there’s the swear words. And she probably doesn’t really need to be singing, "I almost made out with the homecoming queen who almost went on to be Miss Texas but lost to a slut with much bigger breastes…." But you know, they got to learn this crap somewhere. Might as well be in the safety of their own home.

Besides, it’s got a good beat. ;)

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Forget Shopping, I’m in Wrapping H*##

20
Dec 2004

OK, my shopping is done. I completed the bulk of it in an hour’s time on Friday while most people were at work. It filled my car and for the first year ever, my kids are getting everything on their list. I will not feel guilty about the price variances between their lists. I won’t. They’re getting what they wanted.

As I drove home, my van was FULL of presents. I spent the next two days trying to arrange the unwrapped presents in a way that my children wouldn’t see them. Yesterday most of the presents spent the day in my locked bedroom. Today after the kids went to school I started wrapping presents. I’ve wrapped 5 of about, oh, 20-some presents. Then I needed a break.

Let me offer those of you who haven’t started a word of advice. When buying wrapping paper, don’t settle for the cheap stuff. Especially if the wrapping paper has a white background. If you do, you’ll just be putting a second layer on it to cover the box that is sticking through.

I also have a rant about these companies who have DISTINCTIVE boxes for their items. Yes, it is very easy to find the weird Bratz-shaped boxes on the store shelf, but have you ever tried to wrap one of these things and wrap it in a way that it doesn’t appear to be a distinctive Bratz-shaped box? Thank goodness for gift bags.

And as long as I’m ranting, let’s talk a bit about those presents that come with a half-box. You know, the bottom and back of the box is there, but the front of it is just the item and you’re supposed to figure out how to wrap it AND make it look attractive. I managed one of them.

This weekend along with the shopping, we had a party at church on Friday, a dress rehearsal on Saturday and a Christmas program on Sunday. The program was supposed to last a half hour, but the kids managed to finish it in 7 minutes. I think I have a very nice video of other parents getting up and walking in front of me to take pictures of their kids. I stayed in my seat and at one point I think you can see the top of Maxine’s head.

Wednesday they have their school Christmas program. We are supposed to dress our kids in costumes from around the world. They suggest wooden shoes, etc. I have nothing. I think I may raid my mom’s house and steal, er, I mean borrow, some sarapi blankets. It’s as close as I can come to worldly clothing.

On Saturday we made cookies. Chocolate chip and sugar cookies. And we made the cookies from scratch using Steve’s great-grandma Cole’s recipe. The kids loved rolling out the dough and cutting the shapes. We have the most colorful cookies since I had some purple, yellow, blue and pink sprinkles along with the more traditional colors. The chocolate chip cookies turned out excellent and they were so full of chips. Yummy. Notice I speak of them in past tense. The CC are gone and there aren’t a lot of sugar cookies left either. It was a messy experience, but definitely worth it. I had fun. Although towards the end the kids did lose interest in decorating the cookies.

I have a recipe for eggnog cookies, and I think they are the cookies I really like that my neighbor lady makes so I’m going to try to bake them this week and see if that’s what I wanted.

As far as my good intentions, I’ve managed to mail out a good portion of my Christmas cards. The shopping is done. I’ve even called my mother more than once in the past few days. The slipcover is now slipping off my sofa. Justin’s present still needs to be rewrapped. I still have laundry, check book, wrapping (lots of wrapping) to do.

And I also need to clean up my house since we have drywall in our living room (and it’s not part of the living room walls). But it’s getting there. You’d never know we made cookies from scratch this weekend.

Thanks for playing.

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Busy

17
Dec 2004

I have no idea what I’m going to write about.

My mom’s first treatment went fine, she says. She got a prescription for a wig. That must be very normal for cancer patients, but I thought it was kind of funny. You hear about prescriptions for medication, but a wig?

I tried to get my SIL to agree to shave her head, but she wouldn’t do it. Then we tried to get my mom to let us shave a Christmas tree in the back of her head, and she wouldn’t do it either. Go figure.

My children had the annual haircut at the school. It’s a very cool project, I think. Maxine just loved it, especially getting her hair all curly. Amanda had her hair just styled, but by the time she got home from school her hair looked pretty normal. Amanda has nice hair, it just won’t hold a curl.

I have managed to write the Christmas letter and send out the bulk of my cards. I need to check  a few addresses out. My oldest daughter also wrote a Christmas letter and I must say she was funny and cute. But that’s mom talking, so I’ll leave it for you to judge. I’ll post it here at a later date.

Now my hair is wet, it’s 8:20 and I need to get going to work. Catch you later. ;)

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